maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
