I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
