This house was built for laser tag.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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