A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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