Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Come see our sink grown plant.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
