i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
