im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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