im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
