So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
