trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
