Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
