Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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