i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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