I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
