$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize