i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
