do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
