I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
