the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize