The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
