I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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