Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
