My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So squirting runs in the family.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
