I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That was an excessively violent trivia night
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Two words: blizzard sex
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So apparently I’m into choking now
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
