Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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