nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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