Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
