Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
