You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
