I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
