College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
