i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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