so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
