Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
