i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Cover your peen. We're going out.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
