I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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