Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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