So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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