I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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