Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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