she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm like, not good at living.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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