well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize