You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
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