last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
