after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
