He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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