nut hugger
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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