I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My pussy is not your playground.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
