Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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