i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
