We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
