Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
