Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
