saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
