Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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