WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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