I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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